early morning meeting.

I spent the weekend tucked away in the smallest little corner of San Diego. 

Nestled in-between some farm pastures and a dirt road, in a little cluster of cabins that I am beginning to build more memories with.  

This weekend was my area leader retreat. 

A time to re focus ourselves, plan away the spring semester and worship together. 

I left southern San Diego tired, not quite feeling myself. 

As I set myself up in my cabin, shared with 10 other girls friday night, my body ached for a good nights rest.  I felt God whispering to me, inviting me to instead wake up early and meet him...

Its mornings like these that bring me back to some of the best weeks of my life, serving Jesus on a Houseboat on Lake Shasta. God always seemed so near when I was on the water, and truthfully, I know he always is, but there is something so peace filled and encouraging about meeting God in the morning.  I wrote in my journal "I know your mercies are new each morning, so maybe its a bright shiny new mercy awaiting my heart, not yet tainted by the noise of a busy day, refreshing my faith. Yes this is worth it."  That day was filled with the most productive planning meeting, coupled with hours of laying in the grass while a sweet ten month old boy napped on my shoulder. 

At the end of the day, the whole team hiked up a hill and looked up at the starry night. I think it's impossible for me to look at the stars and not think of Jesus. How he placed them there, knowing how much wonder they would fill us with. It was the perfect way to end the day. 

What really gets to me is how God already knew that was what i needed. He knew I needed an early morning one on one, a slow but productive morning, stars and old memories to sooth a stressed out and anxious college senior. I am consistent, in my failing to trust Him, countless unkept promises of daily quiet times, & in taking 3+ years to read the Bible in a year. But my God is consistently meeting me where I'm at,  teaching me how to love others, and answering even the prayers I am too scared to pray. 

 

you're right, this isn't a morning picture. 

If you know me then you know...

If you have spent time with me in the year two-thousand-thirteen then you probably know this is my year of prayer. 

I mean every year is, but this year changed the way I pray.

I've learned how hilarious God is, and have decided to start sharing the funny and also the serious ways God shows up in my life.  This is not me saying that God has answered every prayer I pray with YES.  I have become accustomed  to lots of no's and even more of "this is better", however in general I have found that God loves to make me laugh, and surprise me with little blessings. He also has showed me that he truly is in control of everything. I have a strong feeling he definitely has been doing this for all of eternity but I just started noticing!  Maybe these silly anectdotes will encourage you to pray for all those little things you may have thought didn't matter, maybe instead you will begin to think I'm a crazy person. Either way I'm excited about this, and God, so I can't help but share.

1. God is in control of parking meters:

This week I was on my way to a grown up networking party. I didn't look at the address before showing up at a hotel, and miraculously I ended up at the right hotel, but at the wrong tower, typical San Diego hotel, two towers. So I leave the first parking lot, to go to the next, annoyed because now I'm going to have to pay twice for parking.  So I am at the pay machine and I pray that I don't have to pay for parking, the meter reads zero and the gate goes up. Well thanks God, that was kinda awesome. 

stuff.

I think I like the feeling of being stressed,

I find myself looking at my planner and adding "stuff" just to make myself feel more accomplished.

Looking at the thing just stresses me out more, but its kind of like a jolt of adrenaline. 

I look at a "slow month" and feel unsatisfied.

WHY

I sound like a crazy person.

Who measures their worth by appointments, and events and stuff.

humans. people. me, mostly.

What is God concerned with?

Not my meeting schedule. Thats for sure.

A wise lady once shared with me the way i should look at the "things" in my life.

She told me if the activity I am doing (work, volunteer, clubs ect) is not directly going to benefit my goals for the future, and also bring joy to my life, then I should drop it.

I actually quit my previous job the day after she shared that with me.

#whoops 

So why do I keep doing everything, in an attempt to spin 10 plates perfectly?

What prize is there for being the most overcommitted 21 year old?

No prize! and the reality is I am no where near wining.

There is a huge list of those crazier than me, I know this because I am surrounded by them in my classes. 

So where do I go from here?

R E S T

This week my goal is to rest.

Spend time sitting, with Jesus, soaking in his goodness and maybe chatting with him about what he wants me to cut from my crazy planner. I'm sure he has some good ideas. 

Always does!

N e w Y o r k C i t y

N e w Y o r k

This last week I had the fabulous opportunity to visit NYC. My friend Bri and I helped a professor of ours coordinate this trip, everything from the rooms and flights to itineraries. 

Right now, I am sitting still for the first time in five days, flying over the country. 

That being said it's time for some reflection on what I have learned this weekend. 

1 . It takes a long time do anything. Here in Cali, we want to go to the store we drive a mile and grab our food. In new york, it means walking blocks or taking the subway and only getting enough food that you can carry it by yourself back home.  I would make the assumption Costco isn’t a big hit in new york city,

2.  Less is more.  City folks have mastered the art of living with less, less space, less storage. I complain about my apartment being small when I couldn’t afford a room the size of my closet in NYC.

3.  New Yorkers are very kind people, despite the way they are sometimes portrayed in tv and movies. I cant remember how many people I asked for directions, about 50 likely. And all of them were more than Happy to help a lost girl find her way in the city.

4. Central park is not a park but a city in itself. I could have spent 2 days wandering in the beauty. 

5. There is such thing as grade B restaurants. And people eat at them. I don’t think I'm ready for that venture quite yet. 

6. Art is everywhere and they have a good appreciation for it. There are local artists paintings in stores, buildings, street corners. There are performers on every block and every subway train. They are phenomenal too, and willing to go hungry in order to pursue their passion.

7. The pizza really is as good as they say.

8. It truly is the city that never sleeps. If you are hungry in SD after 9, you have Jack in the box. In New York, dinner is just beginning.

While I'm not sure I could ever make a life for myself out there, I love slow mornings and long runs way to much. New york did find a way into my heart. The excitement of walking down 5^th avenue to times square is incomparable. The amount of history in such a small space is unlike any city in north America.  I know one thing for sure, I will be back. xoxo

Follower-Ship

I remember earlier this summer when I was at Young Life camp, I thought to myself how I would make a great YoungLife wife. I love the lifestyle, I would be great at supporting a guy living out Gods call for his life through high school ministry and I would love to raise my future children in this kind of a household. God must have been giggling at me as I dreamed up my silly little future plans. I picture him thinking: "oh girl, you don't even know what I have planned" 

Push comes to shove and my perfect little plan that I had for my personal life, staying at the hotel, working hard, getting promoted, being successful in this industry I have studied for the last four years was coming to halt. What once has been fun and desirable now felt like an exhausting and soul sucking future. I still continued to work hard because this was the easiest way for me to support myself when I graduate in 8 months. (yikes) However I felt God beginning to tug at my heart strings. It was a slow pull. First I started wondering how I could find a career that would allow me to continue volunteering. Thinking about what position in a hotel would let me have weeks off for summer camp, nights off for club and Bible study. That's a joke. I knew I wasn't suppose to give up this part of my life though. 

When I am with my high schoolers, or with my leadership team, or praying about those things, I feel that my life is purposeful. That I am living inside of Gods desire for my life. That being said I am sure you can guess where God has led me. Sometime in between Summer Camp, and The beginning of school God put a different future in my heart so strongly that I couldn't bear to run away this time. I had always thought that in order to lead ministry one has to be perfect and poised, well spoken and outgoing. I am none of those things, I am goofy, my words never come out right and my shyness always beats out the outgoing bursts within me.  What God is teaching me now however, is that God hasn't called me to a leadership role, he has called me to a follower-ship role. A role where I am going to have to fully devote my life to following Christ and through that, there's a chance others may want to follow God too. I can't think of a time in my life where I have been more terrified and excited at the same time I have no idea what the future looks like now, but I cant wait to see how God writes this story. 

Backwards.

Seldom does one think, in the middle of a huge moment, that it will define your life.

Those periods of your life that grow you, shape you and effect the way you look at life often are noticed after the fact. 

I just had one of those moments, well a series of moments.

This summer changed me.

The way I think about prayer, and life and about trust.

Earlier this year I began to shift my prayer life, taking God out of the small, well kept box I placed him and allowed Him to be big, powerful and real in my life.

I came to God with requests, fears and praises, and watched him reveal just how good He truly is. God has provided a dream job in my future, blessed friendships and fun memories,

My job as a front desk agent taught me to stand up for myself, gave me a backbone.

I learned how to not take rude remarks personally, and I learned to have enough confidence to stand up for myself and solve the issue on my own.

I moved into an apartment with just one roommate, my best friend Bri. The idea of a quiet house was a joke that last two years and now peacefulness overflows from those small walls.

I spent a week in Arizona at Lost Canyon with 12 of the most incredible girls. We cried, laughed and grew in countless ways. God taught me so much through those girls. 

I let down some serious walls that I had hid behind for many years. Finally letting myself trust others fully and be vulnerable with how I feel.

I never would have guessed back in May that God would use the most ordinary summer to develope me in such huge ways, but I am thankful that my God is extraordinary enough to use monotony to change my life. 

Juggling.

I remember the summer days of biking to the ice cream store.
Laying out at the pool and jumping off the diving board.
House boating trips and lots of sleepovers.
it seems like just yesterday.
Now nearly two months of my last summer ever has flew by.
This hit my yesterday.
I havent had time to enjoy even a little bit of it.
Oh the tragedy that is an overcommitted student.
I am seeing more and more how in every part of my life I am spread to thin.
In my perfect world I would work 2 days a week.
Go for long long runs.
Spend time with my younglife students.
Go surfing a couple times a week.
Invest in my sumer classes.
Invest in relationships.
Instead, I am working.
40+ hours a week.
For What?
This week, I am feeling more overwhelmed than I have in months.
Perhaps all year.
Someone told me yesterday that If you can do everything in your life with out clinging to Jesus then you are doing something wrong.
Well here it is. I can't do this without God.
I am being pushed to commit every ounce of my self to trusting God.
"When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I"
God is the only one who can multiply hours.
&& Encourage my heart.
My prayer is that God would continue to give me Joy, when I feel chaotic.
That he would teach me to rest.
Allow me time to invest in others.
Find new meaning in tedious tasks.
&& Continue pushing me towards a Him.